The "Single Mom" Card
Updated - link fixed
I'll admit, somewhat shamefaced, that I'll play this card on occasion. For example, when I was living in BC I was informed by someone, I forget who, that it was illegal for BC Hydro to cut of power to any household with children, regardless, so during the occasional hard time, I'd pull the "single mom, must be able to cook for child" card out of my hat when late with a payment.
And to be honest, anytime I'm dealing with a bureaucrat at any level in any government, if I think it will help, I'll play the card. Loudly. Often.
But I must admit that I don't like playing that card. Maybe it's the small-c conservative in me. I like to think I can pay my own way, provide for my child, feed my dog, etc. And I get really, really choked when women play it for no apparent reason other than it tends to end the discussion.
Like in the comment section on a blog.
At Macleans.ca there is an argument going on about... I forget. And someone there was first - bragging, I think - about getting $327 from Harper and $50 from McGuinty (monthly) in child benefits, then stating that
(a) that doesn't eliminate the need for national (relatively if not totally free) childcare
(b) the cost of said childcare doesn't BEGIN to cover the loss to the nation of women working in low paying jobs because... I'm not sure why
(c) and so on.
So I jumped in. I must admit that unless I'm commenting on a blog (to someone who hasn't a clue who I am, what I do for a living, in essence, anything about me) or talking to someone who knows me well enough to know that don't see my status as a single mom as an excuse to ... I dunno, park my butt on a couch and complain about low wages for unskilled labour? Whatever - I don't like telling people I'm a single mom. Because I'm aware of the stereotype, and don't want the label.
And I'm sick and friggin' tired of women that play that card just to shut others up.
Yes. Single parenting isn't easy.
Yes. Financial sacrifices, unless you're making some serious coin, occur.
Yes. Sometimes it really sucks.
BUT. There is a payoff. Many more than one, in fact. And those payoffs make it worthwhile. Maybe your kid's (or kids') dad is a complete jerk and your life is so much easier without him around. Maybe he liked to beat the crap out of you and/or the kids. Maybe he's a druggie. Or a lech. Maybe he's just a jerk and your selection process needs serious work. Whatever.
Women become single mothers because it's a better place to be than where they were before. Plain and simple. If they thought life was going to be easy after dumping the jerk, they were guilty of reading too many Harlequin Romances, watching too much Oprah, and not being realistic while making their decisions.
Single parenting is hard. But the rewards outweigh the costs. Period.
I don't ask the government to cover the costs of me raising my child. If they want to contribute, I'll take it, gladly. If they'll provide me writeoffs of essential expenses, like childcare, I'll use them.
But I didn't carry my child to term so that the rest of the country could pay for her daycare. I didn't leave my ex- expecting him to support us. I didn't leave my ex- expecting the government to support us.
I don't have a degree. I got where I am by luck and hard work and (more luck) timing. And for the most part, I can provide what my daughter needs, whether it was daycare at 600+/month or skinny jeans (but not the $100 pair, that's just stupid).
And it really pi$$es me off when some woman, somewhere in the country, first brags about a federal subsidy that will likely cover >50% of childcare costs per month, then bitches because it doesn't cover the WHOLE cost.
Like free (or almost free) childcare is a right. Anyone see that in the Charter? Me neither.
On the flip side, it is kinda fun to tell some Ontarian goof that my "redneck" province provides a hell of a lot more daycare subsidies than her liberal one.
/rant off
I'll admit, somewhat shamefaced, that I'll play this card on occasion. For example, when I was living in BC I was informed by someone, I forget who, that it was illegal for BC Hydro to cut of power to any household with children, regardless, so during the occasional hard time, I'd pull the "single mom, must be able to cook for child" card out of my hat when late with a payment.
And to be honest, anytime I'm dealing with a bureaucrat at any level in any government, if I think it will help, I'll play the card. Loudly. Often.
But I must admit that I don't like playing that card. Maybe it's the small-c conservative in me. I like to think I can pay my own way, provide for my child, feed my dog, etc. And I get really, really choked when women play it for no apparent reason other than it tends to end the discussion.
Like in the comment section on a blog.
At Macleans.ca there is an argument going on about... I forget. And someone there was first - bragging, I think - about getting $327 from Harper and $50 from McGuinty (monthly) in child benefits, then stating that
(a) that doesn't eliminate the need for national (relatively if not totally free) childcare
(b) the cost of said childcare doesn't BEGIN to cover the loss to the nation of women working in low paying jobs because... I'm not sure why
(c) and so on.
So I jumped in. I must admit that unless I'm commenting on a blog (to someone who hasn't a clue who I am, what I do for a living, in essence, anything about me) or talking to someone who knows me well enough to know that don't see my status as a single mom as an excuse to ... I dunno, park my butt on a couch and complain about low wages for unskilled labour? Whatever - I don't like telling people I'm a single mom. Because I'm aware of the stereotype, and don't want the label.
And I'm sick and friggin' tired of women that play that card just to shut others up.
Yes. Single parenting isn't easy.
Yes. Financial sacrifices, unless you're making some serious coin, occur.
Yes. Sometimes it really sucks.
BUT. There is a payoff. Many more than one, in fact. And those payoffs make it worthwhile. Maybe your kid's (or kids') dad is a complete jerk and your life is so much easier without him around. Maybe he liked to beat the crap out of you and/or the kids. Maybe he's a druggie. Or a lech. Maybe he's just a jerk and your selection process needs serious work. Whatever.
Women become single mothers because it's a better place to be than where they were before. Plain and simple. If they thought life was going to be easy after dumping the jerk, they were guilty of reading too many Harlequin Romances, watching too much Oprah, and not being realistic while making their decisions.
Single parenting is hard. But the rewards outweigh the costs. Period.
I don't ask the government to cover the costs of me raising my child. If they want to contribute, I'll take it, gladly. If they'll provide me writeoffs of essential expenses, like childcare, I'll use them.
But I didn't carry my child to term so that the rest of the country could pay for her daycare. I didn't leave my ex- expecting him to support us. I didn't leave my ex- expecting the government to support us.
I don't have a degree. I got where I am by luck and hard work and (more luck) timing. And for the most part, I can provide what my daughter needs, whether it was daycare at 600+/month or skinny jeans (but not the $100 pair, that's just stupid).
And it really pi$$es me off when some woman, somewhere in the country, first brags about a federal subsidy that will likely cover >50% of childcare costs per month, then bitches because it doesn't cover the WHOLE cost.
Like free (or almost free) childcare is a right. Anyone see that in the Charter? Me neither.
On the flip side, it is kinda fun to tell some Ontarian goof that my "redneck" province provides a hell of a lot more daycare subsidies than her liberal one.
/rant off
posted by Candace at 1/07/2009 11:43:00 PM
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